


Someday

by ChecktheHolonet



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/M, Gentle Sex, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Mild Smut, Pining, Time Skips, Touch-Starved, Unhappy ending but no character death, Young Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:41:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26052853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChecktheHolonet/pseuds/ChecktheHolonet
Summary: Despite his slow destruction, despite the encroaching shadows, Ben Solo cherished the romantic ideal that beneath the layers of flesh and blood, beyond the reach of life’s grand agony, somehow their hearts–his heart–glowed; untarnished, eternal.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 21
Kudos: 32





	Someday

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ReyloRobyn2011](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReyloRobyn2011/gifts).



> Well. It's been a minute, amirite? :D I can't tell you how surprised and happy I am to still receive comments and kudos on my stories, even years after I've posted them.
> 
> I wrote this a long time ago but never posted it here. @ReyloRobyn provided me with a gorgeous prompt and an equally-gorgeous aesthetic (below), and the words just flowed. 
> 
> **PLEASE NOTE: This story does not end on a happy note, but that ending may be easily skipped.** If you'd rather not follow down that dark path, please stop reading when **"Except..."** appears on a single line.

_You are not mine,_

_but sometimes_

_I pretend that_

_you wish you were_

_I create this idea_

_that you secretly_

_want me_

_And I often forget_

_it's just something_

_I've made up_

_You do not want me_

_and you are not mine._

_-m.k._

He first hears the words in his mother’s voice, locked away in memory’s cage, a prisoner of time and circumstance: _“luminous beings are we.”_ She’d borrowed them from another, a hijacked ideal meant to comfort in times of sorrow.

He clung to the notion in his tempestuous youth. Loneliness, ostracism, failure: constant companions that found his every escape, his every hiding place in the form of sibilant whispers inside a turbulent mind.

Yet, despite his slow destruction, despite the encroaching shadows, he cherished the romantic ideal that beneath the layers of flesh and blood, beyond the reach of life’s grand agony, somehow their hearts–- _his heart--_ glowed; untarnished, eternal. In darkness at his uncle’s temple, in a single room with a single cot, he’d gaze out the window at eternity’s vast reach, and allow himself to dream.

Another heart, somewhere. A perfect match, crafted from starlight and promised to him. His light drawn to hers, a single flame spliced in two. Kind. Patient. Generous with affection, indulgent with desire. Opening her arms, her heart, her mind to receive all he had to give. Someone to cradle, to draw close when darkness loomed, when the chorus of voices that screamed in his head would not be easily silenced. Someone to care for. Someone to protect. Someone…to protect him, to guard his heart as her own, to encourage his to flourish, to lavish affection, to fulfill this constant, throbbing yearning. Someone to adore. To teach him to be adored. He closes his eyes and pictures her face–shrouded in mystery, still, nebulous and indistinct as a handful of stars. He raises his hand to the window, draws trembling fingers against the fog’s eerie mist. 

_Someday,_ he tells himself. _Someday, you are mine._

Years later, on a sterile, empty ship in space, Kylo Ren sleeps alone in a single room, on a single cot. Black, sterile sheets, First Order regulation. Pressed and starched and homogenized to remove all traces of what might have been home. All around him, the universe swirls, the boundary between the yawning maw of space and the gleaming structure of man blurred by a transparisteel wall.

She’s still out there, he knows. Waiting. This time, her face is clear; dark eyes that had captured his, a soft mouth to grant careful kisses…a heart that beats, that glows, for him. She’d call him _Ben, beloved, dearheart_ , voice low and soft as she’d breathe promises against his throat, his hair. She’d kiss him gently, steadfast hands soothing his trembling body, every inch of pale skin laid bare for her pleasure. She’d pull him close, press a palm to his heart, and shepherd him to dreams.

When he’d wake, he’d fill his hands to overflowing with the fabric of her skin, fingers tracing star maps over her heart, her breasts, her thighs. He’d explore her mouth with aching, careful tenderness, glutting his hungry tongue on the elixir of her kiss. She’d laugh, low and soft, dusting fingers through his hair, tracing patterns on his spine. She’d settle him with calming touch, teach him not to run. To hide. He’d whisper, “ _I love you”_ in a voice no longer tinged with bitterness, and know he spoke the truth. She’d repeat it back in kind, her spine arching up to meet him as he pressed, thick and hot, inside. 

“ _Forever,_ ” he’d promise. _Forever_. _Never leave me. Keep me always. Always. Always._ Words like prayer, benediction at her body’s altar, his offering pure and real and luminous, a glowing heart’s song repeated for eternity.

**Except…**

There is no forever in a heart shackled by sorrow, no luminous light for children of darkness. 

_Luminous beings._ Kylo Ren knows better. He's learned from cruelty’s master, pain and discipline hardening what once was soft. Pure. 

Stars are nothing but carbon and gas, ever-expanding elements that swallow the world until they explode. Luminous only from a distance, the Maker’s grand prank in the form of a twinkling mirage.

Kylo Ren’s heart was eclipsed long ago, with the fall of Ben Solo and the descent into darkness. Dreaming is a dangerous game these days, and hope’s consequence too grave to fathom.

Alone, in a single room, on a single cot, Ben Solo closes his eyes.

 _Someday_ , he whispers.

But someday never comes.


End file.
